Yes, Things Do Get Better
Even if they aren't blissful ever again.
One thing you do when you break up a relationship and you don’t really want to is: You wish and yearn for it back.
Maybe one day he really will divorce her. Even if he doesn’t, maybe he’ll at least make contact again one day. We can’t be together if he does that …
… but at least it would have felt like the love was something on both sides, to last the same length of time for both people.
But, isn’t something wrong with that? I don’t wish for this person to be unhappy. If he got it back together with his wife, told the truth, and they both hated me, that would be the best thing for him. And I’m quite sure for her as well.
So, from that point of view, no news would have been good news.
Those pining for a lost love can find plenty of ersatz hope these days on YouTube. For the price of watching an ad (or $11 a month, for those not wishing to put up with yet more advertising in their life), a number of online tarot readers will assure you, several times a week, that, yes, they are thinking of you, and one day you will hear from them again.
Never mind the fact that, nine times out of ten, a person leaving means the relationship is irretrievably over, and these people never come back. (Nor would we want most of them back, if we were thinking straight.)
In this case, however, the cards I pick, even if they’re from different readers, hook end to end, and together they tell a story. Neat.
If you peek ahead at horoscope transits, that story is woven there, too.
None of which I would believe, if I hadn’t caught a certain person on Google Analytics, reading my website blog every few days, from November up until I caught him last February, sometimes twice a day, even on Christmas.
The Trouble With Horoscopes
What I’ve discovered about astrology is that a lot of possible outcomes are written in transits, not just the ones we were hoping for. There’s the one where he and his wife are fine. There’s the one where they divorce and he has another unhealthy relationship with someone else. (Frighteningly enough, I have that storyline, too, at the same time. eep!)
There’s the one where they break up and he ends up in a healthy relationship with somebody else. I have hints of that one in my transits, too. But a lot more prominent is the storyline where I never meet anyone else, and I’m happy in my career alone.
I’m beginning to accept that one, and that’s a sign of growth. When my husband passed away, I still felt like a child who hadn’t had enough mothering and fathering.
That was because I hadn’t. After a childhood full of abuse from a mentally ill mother, full of hazing from cruel schoolmates, and my father dying when I was twelve, I craved all the things I got in that marriage because I had spent my whole life without them.
The thing is, we’re all going to get old, and a significant portion of us will spend a significant number of years without these things, whether we got them sufficiently as children, or not.
I think I’m growing myself up enough to accept that with equanimity now. It’s nice to be home alone, enjoy the view out of the windows, and just write. Or dream. One day I will be doing that out of the window of my local nursing home, so if I find it objectionable now, I still have some work to do.
It’s sweet to hear this little story playing out online, that we’re spiritually connected, that we triggered each other to achieve important emotional and spiritual growth, that, like the song goes, Someday we’ll be together.
I just don’t believe it anymore.
The fact is, we believe these things to the extent that we need them.
The more we believe we can’t be happy without our dreams coming true, the more we scan the horizon.
When the fact is, my horizon is right here with me. I will never be more or do anything differently than I am right now.
And I am at peace with that.